ADHD Child: Parents Stop Apologizing

Parents, when you start advocating for your child and stop apologizing for them, you can transform bad behavior. Why? Your child's bad behavior is often an expression of their feeling of distance from you. The closer they feel to you the better they will behave. The harder they will try to tame their own wild child if they feel you are out there going to bat for them.  Read more to see the synergistic cycle you set in motion when you stop apologizing for your ADHD child.

Starting a Synergistic Cycle

            By becoming an advocate for your child, you start a synergistic cycle that transforms symptoms into talents or at the least – lovable eccentricities. This will contrast with the danger of developing a vicious cycle that easily develops when negative views are taken of your child’s symptoms. The synergistic cycle you can develop is that 1) as you advocate for your child you feel empowered and you maintain your positive view of your child, 2) as you feel better about yourself and your child your interactions with him are loving and rewarding for your child, 3) as your child feels loved and rewarded he tries to show his love through increased efforts at home and at school, 4) as your child tries harder at school he begins to experience more positive feedback at school, 5) as your child interacts with you in more loving ways you find it easier to maintain your positive view and loving interactions and finally 6) the result of this synergistic cycle is that you and your child have a loving, close connected relationship where you are working with each other, and are on each other’s side.

           The opposite to the synergistic cycle is the vicious cycle. The vicious cycle that is set up by being an apologist for your child looks like this: 1) You apologize for your child’s behavior after a teacher gives you negative feedback about his behavior, 2) by accepting this negative feedback your own view of your child is that there must be something wrong with him, 3) you feel like you must have done something wrong and feel worse about yourself as a parent, 4) you are more likely to become angry with or frustrated with your child, 5) as your child gets negative feedback from you and feels a lack of closeness he behaves in problematic ways to express his own distress, 6) the more your child acts in problematic ways the more negative feedback he gets at school and the more frustrated you feel, 7) the more frustrated you feel the more difficult it is to feel connected to your child, 8) you and your child both feel a growing distance between the two of you and you begin to feel helpless and hopeless.

You can transform your child's ADHD symptoms by becoming an advocate.